You're back in London when...

1. you have to rotate shoes multiple times per day because they (even the ones you wore all the time in the States) are all rubbing blisters due to a sudden increase in walking.

2. you have sudden car envy. (see #1)

3. you have mild cramps in the pregnant belly region due to sudden increase in walking. (see #2)

4. your calves and legs already feel slimmer due to sudden increase in walking. (ex out #2)

5. you start out walking, then end up running to catch a bus so you don't have to wait 10 minutes for the next one...resulting in #3. except you don't catch it. the man reading a paper near the stop intervenes and silently laughs as you huff and puff, clutching the belly region.

6. your english neighbor directs your son to keep the communal garden grass free of rocks. he's four. you are tired. she is drinking tea. alone. on her patio. that opens up to beautiful garden.

7. your previously mentioned english garden-sharer tells you about how she thinks the trees need to be trimmed in the garden, particularly the maples. they are blocking out the sun. you think, "what sun?" and say that you think the trees are beautiful the way they are. english garden-sharer-peaceful-tea-drinker-stereotypical-pruned-english-garden lady labels you a tree hugger. she used the words "some people think the trees are crying when they are cut."

8. your fruit and veg box friends send you the loveliest pamphlet on autumn foods chock full of the weirdest english sayings ever compiled in one place. you need a dictionary but still feel a most bizarre affection for your fruit and veg box friends.

9. your child is exhausted in the afternoon because school is back in swing.

10. you re-heat your morning coffee because jet lag's a beast.