Linoleum

*disclaimer: I know, I know. I am very fortunate and very lucky to have a cozy wonderful heated apartment a few feet away from friends, however, hear me out on this topic.

White Linoleum:


I think that you should be outlawed in all 50 states. Home Depot and Lowes should be sued for selling you. While I can see how clean you might appear in the showroom as people look for that clean, kitchen/bathroom, sleek look, you are in fact deceitful. There is nothing clean about you. You attract dirt. You hold dirt. And your hue contrasts my dirt, bringing it to my attention as if there was a spotlight on it. I detest you in my kitchen and in my bathrooms. Do you like being high maintenance? Do you like feeling my futile sweeps multiple times each day? Do you like hearing my groans and moans of annoyance when my Swiffer attempts are worthless and hopeless? Do you like seeing me on my hands and knees, Lysol in hand along with a paper towel? Do you just beg for my husband, I mean someone, to step on you with tennis shoes that leave scuff marks everywhere, thus leading to the Lysol movement?

Someday, White Linoleum, I will move on. And I will not miss you. You will be left for another poor soul to slave over you, sweep you, Swiffer you, Lysol, Clorox, burn you.

Until then, I will remain, broom/Swiffer/Lysol in hand.